I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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