Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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