Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
