I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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