I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
