Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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