i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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