My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There r osticjed everywhere
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
