You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
