There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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