hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize