the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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