I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Randomize
