MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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