Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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