Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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