Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
