You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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