I think scott just propositioned me for sex
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
