She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
