Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
