Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
