No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
