yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
