You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
