I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I faked an abortion last night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
