I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
