That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
