On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
God, I missed his penis.
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