He uses pillows to masturbate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
