I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
