I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
