I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
