I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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