Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
