strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
