Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
