I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
