my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
