nut hugger
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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