At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
