My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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