My sheets look like a crime scene.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
