I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
