Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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