508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
