So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
