If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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