I wish I could punch you in the face.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
