Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize