I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
