I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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