Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
