Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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