remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
