i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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