Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
