'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
