Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
