hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
