I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Damn victory sex feels great
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
