we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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