i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
