i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
