i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
