i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize