Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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