glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
