im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
