Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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