so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
