tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
