i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
