Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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