i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
